[Cyprus Times] How parents can shield their children from violence

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Advice, guidelines and useful practices have been available, in recent years, to parents who attempt to shield their children against the phenomenon of violence, both inside and outside school units. And there may be no magic solutions, according to the experts, but there are certainly many possibilities for parents, in cooperation with psychologists and teachers, to support their children in order to deal effectively with such incidents that may occur in school life. In this context, it is important that parents are also informed, sensitized and attend seminars that will help them to manage teenagers' tensions and communicate better with their children," Dr. Dr. R.V. R.M. said to APE - MPE. Psychology of the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki, Apostolos Kaliambos, who presents specific recommendations for parents.[/P]

Children must speak up to defend their rights

He first says that parents, but also teachers, can help children understand that they have rights and must defend themselves. "In essence, there needs to be a revision in children's perceptions. Parents can restructure the way their children think, explaining that speaking up when threatened is neither an act of lack of bravery nor a snitch, but an act of defending personal rights. It is, after all, an inalienable right of everyone to be calm, to have mental balance and not to feel that their rights are being violated," he added.

How children say "no"

Another useful recommendation to parents is to teach children that "no" is not bad, it is just an alternative to "yes" and a normal response in case a child does not want to do something he or she does not like or does not express. However, when pressures increase and are repeated, the recommendation changes and no longer only provides for a child to say "no", but to shift their focus to groups that do not create tension but make them feel good.

More specifically, a boy or girl is important to stand up for their rights in a verbal manner and to warn the other side that behavior that displeases them is not tolerated. "It is important for a child to respond. Ignoring such behavior essentially sends a message to the other side to continue to harass. Instead responding, in a verbal way, puts the other side in their place and disarms them and there are specific ways to do this. A student can respond with humor or show that he or she doesn't care, or turn the behavior around on the other side. For example, he or she may say 'it's none of my business what you say, go ahead if you want, you're wasting your time, I don't care what you say at all'," Kaliambos notes.

For the possibility that the behavior will continue and the situation will escalate, he recommends that parents train their children to warn the offending side. In particular, children can be firmly informed that if the behaviour does not stop, they will take whatever action is available to defend their rights and that henceforth any liability will fall on the harasser alone.

How to empower a more introverted child

Another recommendation is for those children who are more introverted or feel that they do not fit in with their surroundings, either because they are boys and do not like football as usual, or because they do not have the same interests as the average person their age. Kaliambos points out that "we see this a lot with both boys and girls in adolescence. That is why it is important for every child, every teenager to recognize and enhance their positive points, find an area of interest, a creative occupation, an outlet of enjoyable activity and here the role of parents is very big and important. So they can stimulate children to find things that make them feel important, that help them feel a sense of belonging, that give meaning to life, that make people happy and resilient, confident people."

Conversation and communication

On a more general level, the ability of parents and children to talk to each other is seen as crucial to highlighting the values of a society and developing critical thinking in children.

"Extreme competition, fixation on material and material goods also often makes the child feel that if he or she is not successful. But children should not feel unsuccessful if they do not achieve some socially set goals. The real values that should be emphasized by parents are friendship, cooperation, involvement in things that give meaning to human life and one of these avenues is creativity," adds Dr. Psychology of the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki.

In the same spirit, he recommends that parents should not hesitate to ask for help from an expert who certainly knows some things better and can discuss with family members how to resist pressures, not to pay attention to small things, to resolve conflicts. "No one is born with all the tools to become a parent. No one is pre-trained for the parental role. This role certainly has many difficulties, but parents can be trained in strategies to help their children, and consulting experts does not make them inadequate in any way," he adds.

How to identify early signs

Finally, in terms of identifying certain risk factors or early signs of violence, Mr. Kaliambos stresses that parents should be activated if they find some unhappiness for no apparent reason in their children, low self-esteem, early exposure to violence, signs of cruelty and intense individualism, inability to empathize and lack of ability to manage personal problems.

"This is when a discussion with the children, advice from a specialist, cooperation with teachers is needed."

Source: APE-MPE

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